Excitement. gone?

it had been a quite year, since i coming back to KL, being so busy getting bac in life.
there many things now seem so QUITE. us plain quite, it seem lost the excitement of life it once had,
it is me, or just the environment around me slow down. Or i rather say i had cross over into the adult life.
Or this is the real life,
i could say it hard to get myself entertained, or would i say satisfied,
it not that i lost the heart of excitement. just rather ppl around find it hardly to accept my idea.
i m too crazy to get excitement running on again in my life?
as time only grow older, if it not now, when it ll be?
does i need to explore new region or just bring glory that once filled in the group?

The Reason

After a long peaceful walk, finally it reveled.
it may not be the prefect solution, but it certainly a strong point for me right now.
i would like to give the world to you, but all i have it jus my life.
i can give it up just for you, but then u be all alone in this world.
i finally can understand of the phrase “hope for someone happiness rather than being a jealous”
the more u love a person the more u hoping for her happiness.
when i cannt give u life as a princess. i should not be the one blocking someone else to give it to u.
being  alive only once. it be enough for me to know she was happy and been treated the best of life.
the thing that make it hurt inside, is when u wanna give her the best, but reality u only can give that much.
that is what make me feel weak. when yourself feel insecure, how does u expect other ppl to feel secure with you?
i had make a mistake once too many, but i awaken now,

Desperated already??

Another had gone, i still feel empty. sick and weak, H1N1 perhaps, or it jus my imagination.
it had been few day already, yet i still haven’t recover from this blurry blue feeling.
Am i moving on to a new height of life, or i just start give in to fate?
Once known as the smart-ass in class now having difficulty in a simple life. What a joke.
Bet you were laughing to your feet right now, be careful not to fall from your chair.
Am i thinking too much?? or am i was too eager and ambitious to success in a shortest amount of time,
or maybe i just jealous of ppl success, even deep down inside myself also not sure about it.
out of all, maybe i just overestimated myself? Am i fed up with my current life? is it too much already? stress at work, bill to pay versus the lifestyle i dreamed?
too many thing playing in my mind right now.
i believe i had to rethink and re-evaluate my current status before i get in to trouble,
the most important thing now is not the cause, but solution!
money and girl, m i started to grow desperated ??

A old Wound.

suddenly a sad feeling feel my heart, never thought a old wound started to ache again,
thought i was fully healed, i was wrong, that is what make life so special, it always so unexpected.
it started to fill me up again, sorrowfulness, a feeling wanted to cry, sound pretty sissy does it?
i never felt so useless in my life, i was try my best to becoming the greatest guy around,
maybe i jus try too hard. at this very moment i felt i m loser, i losing myself in time. wondering which state of timeline i in right now.
things changed rapidly around us, i realiase who i cared the most. but i had to wake up from the dream.
no matter how i try to lie or hide it, it still there, the memory still fresh in mind, i still care, the wound still hurt deep inside.
i was not strong as i thought i would be. i was not as carefree as i looked. i just another weak mortal.
i knew and understand i had to let go and move on, and i thought i did,
jus an old song from the radio make me realise it was all a lie, a lie to myself, i was a lie after all this time.
i was lost in time. can i forget it and move on? or will i regret in hell? only time can tell……
i miss u!

Battle Royale

Have u ever heard of Battle Royale?
it is a manga by Koushun Takami and Masayuki Taguchi about a 42 of final year schoolmate trapped in a terrible game. the game that force them to kill everyone of their classmate and be the winner, the last survivor.
first look at the manga, u might think this is physco or a lunatic manga.
but for a short moment, clear up your mind, briefly think for awhile, evaluate your friend, if u were stuck in this situation, will u play the game?
and how much friend u think u can trust? and how much friend will be playing?
Welcome to reality. just from a simply manga it teaches u a valuable lesson of life.
How well u knew your friend? how many friendship can last till the very end? How many can u actually depend on?
Playing. Drinking. Eating. Chating. Laughing. At this moment how many can u trust? or how many worth trusting? or is there anyone worth trusting?
Reality is cruel.  In a glance u may seem surrounded by tonne and tonne of friends. but take a look again, u might just be lonely as i m.
Fairy Tale shall remain as fairy tale, but i believe, those who dare to dream will have a chance to success.

if anyone of you have some spare time, take a glimpse at the manga, let share though and view.
I be waiting, Friends.

What would this be?

Life come to an end so we know how precious thing are to us. People leave to let us know how important are them to our life.
Benjiman Button, i was enlighted by the words,
if my life span is 100 year old, i had spend a quater of it,
yet there are Still plenty of thing out there to be understand and explore.
there are people i miss so much. the people i would love met again.
I could say finally finish my comfort youth dayand to the harsh part of an adult life now.
there was a old saying that all human are come to this world in pair but was somehow separated,
the mission of life is to search back our long lost pair. do u belive in these words?
i have always wanted someone accom me in a walk, just a peacefull walk in the night enjoying the cold breeze wind on your face.the scenery in night.
peacefull slient. just peacefull, that would be nice.
Just to forget all the worries in your mind. just a night. would that be nice?
i had a dream of sitting at top of mount kinabalu with someone i love, having my arms around her. peacefully waiting for the sunrise.
the bright red sun slowly crawing out from the dark. warming up the cold body. enjoying each and every momnet.
Dream, It jus a dream and someday it will become reality. Eventually i believe.
it such a sad condition, whenever i watch a romantic movie, i will start think think and feel how lonely i m.
wondering when would u come along. wondering who would u be? curious fill my mind.
Confusing? same as me, i merely have no idea what i writtng about?
it all mixed up now, life and love, it all entangled up in my mind,
life and love may jus something that cannot be apart.

Loneliness

it been so long, a very long period has passed,
m i still alright? i also not sure, wondering around like a fool,
feeling cold and lonely as ever.is this what u wanna read??
if yes, sorry you ll be disappointed.
once there is a friend say to me, “if the lord wanna me to be lonely, then i ll be lonely, the God know what the best for me”
althought i not christian, somehow i feel peace in those work, it seem enlighten my darkness hours.
Everything has a time and place, over time things must change and like a river life goes on, love is the greatest thing in life,
it can hurt like hell but it can feel like heaven, we met because of fate, we be friend because of destiny, we be part because of choice,
the chinese proverb often say, be together becos of fate and depart because of understanding. we may met as a friends again.
a ideal plan.
Regert your action but never plan to change,
Sorry for treating you bad, but after the sorry i ll continue treat you bad. then what is the point being there?
Just for yourself satisfaction? or just for your mental relief? saying without action mean nothing.
i hate these kind of people, yes, i really really do. Family we cant choose, but for friend we can choose.
i usually wont wanna be around these kind of people, It feel wasting of time even taking to them, meaningless.
but fate sure like to test our endurance, i once fall for this kind of gal, feeling is something hard to control,
as in the clasical drama, the kind you hate the most mayb the one you fall into. That how destiny is.
it true that currently i feel cold and lonely, it easy to fall in love with someone, it easy to find someone who love you,
what hard is both of this event happen in the sametime. you choose people, people choose you.
No matter what happen, the love made me dance patiently.
The most important question is do you still wan me to be there?

True Story?

Beware, the road robber, as famous as the somali pirate, True Story
i had hear many stories from my friend, they are typically wear white shirt and dark pant,
usually they can be spotted at the side of the road, especially at the corner with they motorcycle,
once they stop u, they will start the conversation with a famous pick up line, “kamu tau lu salah apa?”
then generously offer to help ” macam mana, saya boleh tolong ni?”, if u still feeling blur, eventually, they ll tell u they favorite movie “300 ini”.
when the debat continue on, they ll start feeling unpatient. they ll shown u what the mean by a pen is mightier that the sword, the feeling of a knife in at your throat.
by will or force, u were ask to take out your wallet, for they to spy on how thick your wallet are,
if they missed, they will ask you, ” berapa boleh” . and if  your offer didnt satisfied them, they u let u know, “Semua tu” or “lipat itu 50″ and u know they are rushing of time “CEPAt, Cepat, mau tulis ni“.
when u cannot met they offer and then sharing they second Favorite movie “ Meet the Spartan Boss” and let u know they are sincerely to help “hanya saya boleh tolong”.
In the end, you ll get help but feel no difference as a victim which been rob.
This robber is more dangerous than any Mat Cemerlang and snatch thief,
bcos they can operate any time day and nite, any where open or close area, and not afaird of policeman,
so for all my friend out there. Becareful.

Current Blue.

Looking bac at the old friend picture, the loneliness feeling is bac roaming in my heart.
In all these time i should have been cure. Mature enough to let it all go, but yet why this feeling still coming?
i admit, once ago i hav a very low self-esteem, bcos of my family condition. My Finance condition,
those time, i nvr dare to think of the those happiness day of school that often show on TV.
jus keep admiring other, happiness always seem so far away.
Finally graduated, A new life started, feeling happiness finally with my grab.  
yet something i want it all along still seem unreachedable. has my glory day ended??
i have always thinking why we would be here in this world, some would be so success, yet some would still be in ground?
life started, life end. i beileve no one in this responsible to make u happy but yourself.
if u wanna keep urself sad, then u ll be sad till the end of ur life.
Happiness is not a definatly, for it u have to struggle for it.
From a wise person say, to change ur life, you 1st have to willing change,
yet something is easier said than done.
the loneliness feeling still haunting me,
Can someone come and Save me??

Great Philosophy of Life

This good philosophy of Life,  i recieved from a friend by an unknown author. Apologies that i still not in writing mood, but i would still like to share this great article with all of you.

A long time ago, there was an Emperor who told his horseman that if he
could ride on his horse and cover as much land area as he likes, then
the Emperor would give him the area of land he has covered.

Sure enough, the horseman quickly jumped onto his horse and rode as
fast as possible to cover as much land area as he could. He kept on
riding and riding, whipping the horse to go as fast as possible. When
he was hungry or tired, he did not stop because he wanted to cover as
much area as possible.

He came to a point when he had covered a substantial area and he was
exhausted and was dying. Then he asked himself, ‘Why did I push myself
so hard to cover so much land area? Now I am dying and I only need a
very small area to bury myself.’

The above story is similar with the journey of our Life. We push very
hard everyday to make more money, to gain power and recognition. We
neglect our health, time with our family and to appreciate the
surrounding beauty and the hobbies we love.
One day when we look back, we will realize that we don’t really need
that much, but then we cannot turn back time for what we have missed.

Life is not about making money, acquiring power or recognition. Life
is definitely not about work! Work is only necessary to keep us living
so as to enjoy the beauty and pleasures of life. Life is a balance of
Work and Play, Family and Personal time. You have to decide how you
want to balance your Life. Define your priorities, realize what you
are able to compromise but always let some of your decisions be based
on your instincts. Happiness is the meaning and the purpose of Life,
the whole aim of human existence.

So, take it easy, do what you want to do and appreciate nature. Life
is fragile, Life is short. Do not take Life for granted. Live a
balanced lifestyle and enjoy Life!